There’s nothing I like more than reading trashy celebrity gossip and realising that no matter how bad my own behaviour is, I’ll never have crack-related scabs on my face like Amy Winehouse. Reading stories about Ol’ Wino and Britney (Old Britney, not to be confused with new and improved Mel Gibson Influenced Britney but also not to be confused with wholesome Justin Timberlake outfit matching Britney. So I guess something like “Britney-A-La-Cray-Cray”).

But I digress, and now have a strange desire to look for photos of train wreck Britney to reassure myself I’m not quite at the stage where my festive wine-drinking will ever cause me to forget my underpants.

Putting that aside, it’s a good sign that you’ve gone too far down Meth-lab Lane when a Google search of your name reveals such news articles as this, with an accompanying poll asking us to compare the relative merits of contracting gangrene versus NOT contracting gangrene. Yes Amy, when your face starts to rot I’m going to hazard a guess and say that perhaps you should stay in tonight and have a nice cup of tea.