There’s an old saying (well not so old, or even a proper “saying” as such, but nevertheless) that sometimes, bad clothes happen to good people. Actually now that it comes to mind I think it’s a section in the back of U.S People Magazine where they get a quasi-celebrity fashion designer to critique other celebrities who have made unfortunate fashion choices for that given week. In fact there are probably more than several websites dedicated to this very pastime (COUGH www.gofugyourself.com, it’s amazing), so we all know that sometimes, bad fashion choices can happen to the best of us.
But when do you actual stop and ask yourself whether you’re crossing the line. Generally my deal-breaker is when it invokes a physical shudder of horror when I step out of the dressing room, but there has been more than one occasion where I’ve done the mental tennis about trying out a certain look. Skinny jeans for example, it took me literally 12 months to find the courage to purchase a pair of these delightful trousers and even now I still ask friends whether I look vaguely acceptable in one of the 12 pairs I now own. (I might add that it’s probably the touch of hysteria in my voice that forces them to say yes, in fact I could just be yet another trainwreck in tight pants and I’ll never know… [Insert strangled sob of terror here]).
But currently, my secret fascination/ horror lies with metallic and wet-look leggings. I feel like I desperately want a pair but they would be a huge mistake. Like, an epic Bai Ling style mistake. It has all the ingredients of fashion disaster: Shiny, Clingy, Ruching, Unforgiving. Which, for a girl that Trinny and Susannah may generously call an “Hourglass” but is probably more accurately classed as a “Cello,” spells aesthetic displeasure at ten paces. I’d like to look this slammin’ Betty but fear it would create more of a Beth Ditto type effect. Cheap shot Beth, I know. I apologise. You’re a braver woman that I that’s for gosh-darn sure.
But at some point in our lives I guess we all have to accept our flaws and walk the fine line between fabulous and ridiculous. I will continue to lust after the shiny leggings and if they’re still around in a year’s time I’ll buy some and never look back (and definitely not look back whilst in the vicinity of a mirror.)